more clean Sunday school jokes

Went through a collection of jokes, and some of them are pretty decent, but some were nothing in comparison to the real wisecracks and cheeky fun heard in the pews after church. Anyhow, picked out half a dozen and the last was just something that made me smile because of some of the lil'churches I've attended over the summer on my internship roadtrip. So do enjoy.



A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."


A little boy was overhead praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.


An elderly gentleman passed his granddaughter's room one night and overheard her repeating the alphabet in an oddly reverent way.
What on earth are you up to?" he asked.
"I'm saying my prayers," explained the little girl.
"But I can't think of exactly the right words tonight, so I'm just saying all the letters. God will put them together for me, because He knows what I'm thinking."



A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother  that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named  Gladly.  It took his  mother a while before she realized that  the hymn was really "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear,"


An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop - Acts 2:38!" (..turn from your sin...) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an AXE and two 38's!"


YOU MIGHT BE IN A COUNTRY CHURCH IF . . .
1. The doors are never locked.
2. The Call To Worship is "Y'all come on in!"
3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
4. The Preacher says "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" - and 5 guys stand up.
5. The restroom is outside.
6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
7. A member requests to be buried in his 4-wheel drive truck because "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of".
8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of "2 calves".
9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of it's pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
10. When it rains, everybody's smiling.


thanks to the wonderful people who have collected these clever and cutesy jokes over the years:
http://louisvilleemmaus.com/jokes.html

return to blogger?

The eagle has landed and it's one small step to a small town newspaper but a giant leap for Phil's kind of adventure.


After a few months of madness busy beyond belief -- both from combination of finishing my internship up in Whitecourt to moving my life yet again and into another job as a full-fledged journalist in Ponoka.


I'll explain in a follow-up soon why I'm standing on a cat-walk over a bunch of cows, but for now, here's the article.


Six weeks in I'm loving even the high pressure nearly daily deadlines just to try to keep up with the flow of the new assignments hitting my desk. There's so much happening in town and as my role as roving reporter dictates, I've been everywhere between Red Deer and Edmonton and a lot of the time in little towns I'd scarcely heard in passing. All I know is I handed in 1,000 on my out-of-town mileage in one month.


It was like lifting weights and then realizing I picked a heavy one, requiring so much more concentration and effort, but totally worth it when I can finish the set of reps. I'm happy to report I'm starting to raise my writing stamina and even though I wrote four articles today and did half a dozen interviews, I'm still going strong.... almost.

Broke down and finally started texting twitter thingies and started to log some of the fun and insight I was having. As much fun as blogging was, I was doing over a dozen articles every week and my editor here in Ponoka is helping me to top that. I was excited to have my own desk when I was an intern, now I feel a tiny bit of cabin fever I spend so much time in my office. Not complaining because I get to write a ton of fun articles and photo assignments for whatever I can dream up and keep newsworthy.

So far, I've been nearly making par. Check-it if you want an time-line of how exciting my days got over the last few months. Don't worry, I rarely wrote more than one a day. It sounds odd that I finally tried out twitter, I just had heard such terrible repercussions with slander and job-dismissal over comments, that I went slow. Plus it takes a moment to come up with something that isn't lame.

Word of advice, avoid over-doing the caffeine. Withdrawal sucks without some ibuprofen and yoga does wonders too ^_^ Then again, yoga seems to work for everything.

It's just the Christmas special which has kept me busy since I managed to get through Remembrance Day special with a dozen articles extra to write in a week over my usual ten assignments. After this, it quietens down -- not until after I get through another dozen fun articles with way too much cuteness and Christmas joy.

Anyhows, here's a search result link to my three dozen articles that were posted on the website, I'll try to link a bunch later of my favourites over the past few weeks. Enjoy.

It's been quite an adventure and I wish I thought to twitter some of the more cool moments I've had. Such as culture shock of hanging out for assignments on the Hobbema reserves near Ponoka. Who knew it's possible to put up a stop-sign with a Cree translation on it. Learn something every day ^_^

As part of my return, I'll start rocking the cooking experiments. Admittedly, I've collected up a few over the last month and haven't had sufficient time to post them. Fun times for all. So time to sleep and I'll write the next time I slow down after production day, which I have a bunch of them coming up pretty quickly. Meh... fun times.

Glad to be writing too much to be able to write my blog. Working the writing lifestyle and still loving it.

Goodnight and stay classy or whatever.... Brain stops with a zonk.

-- plr --

my very own desk and taxi driving

That's right... I took a photo of my desk that I thought I'd have to sleep under it eventually, plus it's exciting to finally be at home in a news-room office.

Maybe I should explain a news reporter's desk and by far my mine isn't half as messy or completely stocked as it should be, but after all I'm just interning in different towns for now. At least I have my stock of licorice and other snacks.

Having been in a bunch of offices, I do have a number of desk arrangements from old type-writer tables to tiny desks and from being scrunched in the corner to taking over the editor's office while she was on holiday. I'll have to dig up the other photos so more to come on that. Life of intern....

Just to clarify, no, I didn't eat peanut butter by the sporkful. It just happened to be there and my favourite weapon/spork was for the Ichiban noodles.

The peanut butter was to go with the loaf of bread I tore through for snacking and to have with microwaveable meals -- for the record lean cuisine meals are much tastier than I expected and almost home-cooking.

There's not too much extra time to escape for lunch unless it's on the way from a photo assignment or interview so I spent my afternoons editing photos, writing stories and snacking.

The stack of paper behind my laptop was press releases and drafts of articles needing corrections. Getting everything done was was an interesting balancing act of eating loving what I was doing and praying I could get'ter all done somewhere near deadline.


So I followed my editor's lead as we slid on headphones and typed away until we started to see fuzzy and yell back and forth weird and funny at the time comments: about stories we were writing; questions to the cruel editing gods of why photos didn't fit or quotes didn't make sense; really question why we were there instead of sleeping.... good times!

Learning tons as I'm writing and starting to get back into the rhythm of writing and nailing off 4x's as much stuff as I had to do in j-school and loving it.

I'm tired, lonely, and grateful for the opportunity, still writing too late with exhausted fingers and back.... trying to figure out a dozen interviews into stories and still loving it,

Didn't do it for the money nor the honeys nor the sweet salary. Doing it for the people who need their stories told and ain't doing it for free finally. Satisfied in seeing by-lines and people wanting to help in their community so keep assignments coming, I'm loving what I'm doing and where I wanna be living the dream

Did I mention I got to drive around a golf course looking for photos during an amateur golf tournament? And get paid? It's like driving a taxi with no sea sick clientele in the back! I love driving on the clock from interview to photo op and back to office. Keeping on my toes and planning out my own day, good times.

So that was my Saturday morning work assignment, cruising in a golf cart ^_^ Made up for the insane amount of hours writing happy and depressing stuff and editing all sorts of photos. All worth it and all paying my dues to the industry so I can earn my press badge. And no I still refuse to take a normal self-portrait right-side up -- too cool and original for that.

roomates - 1st year - sound & silence - pt 4of4

 

There were things that went on that were beyond what I can remember about the little moments when my roomates didn't notice that I was there and they dropped their shields while talking to friends. There was a lot of empathy despite my threats and grumpiness from lack of sleep and school induced stress. Not that I'd want to betray that trust though nor take photos like this spiteful person did of their room-mate's mess - I can only say some of mine were messier. I was lucky as I could have had nightmare room-mates like my friends bemoaned.


Room-mates who stole stuff, made way worse messes then my nose would have been able to deal with. Other friends in dorm had murderous thoughts about stereo systems fueling dance parties late into the night. They liked and used my pre-tested solution of playing opera and polka early the next morning in retaliation to their neighbours.


They were lucky compared to the people who thought dorm was a place to test out their wrestling skills. Someone got put through a wall head-first, was okay other than concussion and stitches, but refused to pay the damage deposit fine imposed by dorm. Other people on dorm had angry pizza delivery guys to deal with after prank calls, angry neighbours when they couldn't control their room-mates.

Worse, others had to steer clear of recently ex-boyfriends and ex-girl-friends after bad break-ups or loud make-up sex that didn't heal the wounds. That and creepy people who tried to follow their room-mates home from the bar. Compared to the guys who had bike races and foot-ball games down my hallway, I couldn't complain. Or the huge dorm party which resulted in all the furniture being piled into a fortress in common areas.


Or the fire-drills because someone was 'cooking' hot-dogs stoned and forgot about smoke if they passed out at 3 a.m. or lit candles for a relaxing bath which became less relaxed when candles started to burn through the counter. Not that fire extinguishers were left alone, one was shot off and into the vents and again we were evacuated while maintenance and fire fighters ventilated the dorm.


Other people forgot to ventilate the bathroom hot-box properly and in lighting up the bong and light the smoke alarm as well. This was at least once a month in the -30C. I got very efficient at loading my camera bag and laptop and leaving the building from pajamas to clothes in 30 seconds flat in case it was the real thing finally.

However, the night Halo-boy, a few friends and I re-organized the common-room was my fondest memory of the first year of dorm. For all the assignments, I was allowed to relax once in a while and partake a drink or three. Never again with Royal Reserve and I apologize to my liver for that night.

Appleton, RR and Lucky's beer aplenty, we had a great time. Emo-boy whined so much but we had a great time. Nobody took credit for the first move, but by the time Emo-boy arose in the morning, I thought he was playing more screa-mo for the amount he yelled. We were pretty happy with the new decorating style.

Sitting on a side-ways easy chair, I was calmly watching cartoons and eating kraft dinner mac & cheese, head cocked to the side. Non-flat-screen TV, chairs, table, small appliances, lamps, even posters were all side-ways.


For extreme make-over, Martha Stewart would have been proud. I was a lot less proud thinking about it now, but there's something metaphoric about said about the whole dorm lifestyle -- sometimes it just goes sideways for a curve-ball so keep on trucking.

If this says anything about why I decided rum shouldn't be on my diet in such plentiful amounts, I learned my lesson. Come to think of it, by second year I was a lot more calm about assignments, no less busy, but less in the drinking.


Second year was much more orderly in comparison as I was blessed with a much more sane bunch of dorm room-mates who got along much better. However, that's a different story for a different day. Hope you enjoyed ^_^